bad news...

Well... i was right. I was pregnant. the problem is that by the time I realized I was pregnant, I had already miscarried. I had a chemical pregnancy. When i took the pregnancy test, I had already miscarried and my hcg levels were low, which is why the doctor's office test didnt pick it up and came out negative, but why my ept test was able to detect it giving me a positive and leading me to believe i was pregnant. and I did have all the symptoms which just enforced what i already believed. It certainly wasnt all in my head and I certainly didnt make myself get up to pee 4 times a night.

We're both pretty bummed out. I'm really sad, but part of me feels like I dont have a right to be sad, since from the time I thought I had a baby, it was already gone, as opposed to someone who actually carries a baby for a few weeks before having a miscarriage. It's a strange feeling. Reguardless though, we thought we were going to have a baby, we got all excited, we started picking out names and a double stroller and all that and then just as quickly as we had found out, it was taken back away from us and that hurts.

the good news is that with chemical pregnancies, quite a few people i know have gotten pregnant RIGHT after having one, so we still have one more "try" before Mick leaves for deployment. i'm not getting my hopes up, but the thought of having to wait 7 months to try for another baby is just depressing. and that makes it almost a whole extra year of an age gap between the kids.

Looks like Mason will just have to wait a little longer to be a big brother. It's a good thing that big brother shirt was a 3T (that was the smallest we could find) maybe that was a sign that it just wasnt meant to be right now. God has a plan for us and I just have to trust that he has good reasoning for the way things turned out.