30 Day Project: Day 21

30 Day Project: Day 21
A picture of something you wish you could forget



I didn't have any pictures of me when I injured my knee, so this is a just a picture of the type of immobilizer I had to wear over my knee for months. It might sound silly, but I wish I could forget this injury. I don't want to forget that it happened, I just wish I could forget how it FELT when it happened.

It was AWFUL. It was the worst pain I've ever felt. It was WORSE than my experience with LABOR!
(keep in mind I got an epidural, so I never experienced the pain of actually pushing the baby out.. only the pain of contractions up until about 5 cm, then I got the epidural... which was AMAZING)

It was my junior year of high school. December 5, 1999 to be exact. (yes, i remember the exact date, because I'll never forget this lol) I was at gymnastics and working on full twists. My coach was standing by to help spot my landings, because I was still fairly new at it. When I landed, my feet planted, but the rest of my body kept turning and when my coach jumped in to help, his knee collided with mine and my kneecap popped out of place.

(it didn't pop through the skin, but doctors weren't sure how it didn't because the skin was stretched so far)

I remember feeling THE WORST pain and dropped to the ground. I was frantically grabbing for my coach the whole way to the ground. He could hear that something popped, but he didn't know what, and I couldn't tell him. When I hit the ground, he could see it. My leg was locked in a bent position and my knee cap was sticking out the side. He ran to call an ambulance. My friend's mom ran over to me and said she heard it from where she sat in the parent's seating up above. She couldn't figure out why I wasn't crying. I couldn't cry... the pain was so bad I couldn't even catch my breath to cry.. I just kept gasping. and for this reason, when the EMTs got there, they put an oxygen mask on me, put a neck brace on me and strapped me to a stretcher, even though my coach repeatedly told them I didn't fall and injure anything else.. I simply hurt my knee and then dropped to the ground from the pain. "it's just precaution", they kept saying. Meanwhile, while the jerk was strapping me to the stretcher, his big, fat belly kept bumping my knee!!!

They gave me some medicine to help with the pain, but nothing helped. I remember them saying they gave me twice the dose that they should have given a person my size and then had to keep checking my vitals to make sure I wasn't gonna have harmful effects from the amount they had given me.

At the hospital, they finally gave me some good drugs and I was knocked out haha I was in and out of consciousness the whole time. I know the doctors couldn't get my knee back in place, so I was there for hours waiting for a specialist to come in. When he came in, I braced myself for the horrible pain of him putting it back in place, but then he told me he was already done LOL yes, like I said, I had good drugs.. didn't feel a thing. anyway, a few weeks later, right before Christmas (it was the 22nd or 23rd), I had arthroscopic surgery. They made 3 tiny incisions in my knee to remove 3 pieces of bone that had broken off when it popped out of place and some torn cartilage.

I'm not sure how long I ended up wearing that immobilizer and how long I was on crutches, but it was at least 3 months followed by months of physical therapy. I learned our entire cheerleading routine on crutches that year, so that if someone got injured at the last minute and they needed me, I could be there LOL. The doctors told me I would probably never get full range of motion back in my knee... I could straighten it, but I couldn't bend it all the way to sit on my knees. but one day, I think it was that May (so 6 months later) I was with friends, sitting around and repositioned myself to get more comfortable and without thinking, sat down on my knees. It felt like a rubber band snapped and I freaked out, but then realized my leg was bent all the way and I got really excited! haha I've had full range of motion since!

anyway, now that I've written a novel, you can see why I wish I could forget this. It's still very clear in my mind.. like it happened yesterday. The doctors told me that more than likely, it will happen again one day. Once it happens once, it's usually a recurring problem. Sometimes I'll move the wrong way and my knee kind of hurts a little and freaks me out. If Mason is sitting on my lap and so much as puts a little pressure on that knee, I practically launch him off my lap, because I can just feel it. It's hard to explain, but the slightest touch the wrong way on my knee makes it feel like it's going to pop back out again. I remember exactly how much pain I was in. I remember how it sounded, I remember how it felt and it makes me cringe everytime I think of it. I wish I could forget, because it's held me back from things I've wanted to do, because I'm too scared of it happening again (like skiing) I wish I could forget what that felt like, but I don't think I ever will!