lub-lub-lub

Yesterday, at 9 weeks, 5 days pregnant, I heard the lub-lub-lub of my baby's heartbeat! There are NO words to describe how that made me feel. Even though I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and saw the heartbeat then, I've just been overwhelmed with this feeling that something could still go wrong.

As stupid as I know (and knew) it was, I started looking for the heartbeat at a little over 8 weeks. I KNOW that's too early to hear it... any website/book/doctor will tell you not to even try that early, but I did anyway. And of course, when I couldn't find it, even though I knew it was normal not to hear it that early, my head thought the worst and drove me insane. I completely freaked myself out. My own heart rate, normally 70-80, has been pounding away the past week at 90-100 beats per minute. On top of that, I noticed my symptoms starting to fade. I know that doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong and that every pregnancy is different. I know that it could just mean that I'm lucky to not be plagued with morning sickness the entire first trimester (or entire pregnancy) but knowing all that didn't matter. It just sent my already anxious self into overdrive. I've literally been a wreck. My every waking thought was on whether or not my baby was still alive. I've cried. I've been unable to sleep. it's been ridiculous. and I told myself I was being ridiculous. I told myself to just chill out and relax, because it's not good for the baby, but I couldn't. I wish I could have found that magic switch to shut off my fears, but it doesn't exist.

Needless to say, finding that heartbeat yesterday was amazing!! I instantly burst into tears and sent a video text to Mick (who is in the field). In between "booms" on base, I got a text back that said "friggin awesome!!!!!" haha He is always the one that stays calm and positive, but I was so sure something was wrong, that I even had him starting to believe I should call and get into the doctor earlier instead of waiting until my 11 week appointment. Now we can both breathe a little easier. I'm SO glad I'm at a point in this pregnancy that any time I start to worry, I can get the doppler, find the little lub-lub and feel at ease again. =)

Only 3 more weeks and I'll already be out of the first trimester! I think (and HOPE) now I'll be able to relax some and enjoy this pregnancy instead of being so terrified. I know it'll be so much better for both me and baby (and Mason too, since he won't have such a frantic momma)! As long as that little heart is still beating, there is still a new life growing inside my belly and I can't wait to meet him/her =)